Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Good Morning, It's God

This afternoon, as I pushed away the anxiety that my current health insurance dilemmas were causing, and the fears about seeing my oncologist tomorrow for what in my mind seems like a-well, the "it is time for chemo treatment" talk- a beloved colleague of mine walked into my classroom, and handed me a sheet of paper. She breezed in and out, as if on a compelling mission to make sure I had this unusual word of encouragement in my hand. It read in her daughters fun middle school aged script:
"Good Morning!
I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I don't need your help. If the devil happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the things for Jesus to do box. It will be addressed in my time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box do not attempt to hold on to it, or attempt to remove it. Holding on or removing it will delay the resolution of your problem. If it is a situation that you are capable of handling, please consult me in prayer to be sure that it is a proper resolution. Because I do not sleep nor do I slumber, there is no need for you to lose any sleep. Rest my child. If you need to contact me, I am only a prayer away. I love you."
I was floored as I read this-quickly, and then again more carefully later, and now really deeply as I include it in my blog entry.
God never misses a beat of my panicked heart when it comes to this journey of cancer, and its treatments.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

December is a time of joy.

My 50 something year old cousin died suddenly last week. Suddenly.
Life and death can be so abrupt. Well, perhaps that is not true. Life, we get 9 months or sometimes more to prepare for, and we live life daily...sometimes very purposefully or busily.
I have been attempting to live life more on purpose since overcoming the unspoken and jagged fear of cancer recurrence.
Since cancer reared its head again (last April) I am here to testify that fear doesn't really grip me any longer. Not knowing doesn't make me uneasy. Trusting in God places me in the comfort of His purpose and plan. Not a scary valley that I envisioned. In fact, I have these mini-mountaintop experiences spiritually since the confirmed recurrence.

I am living in it daily. Grateful. Joyful even.
Laughter, and time living helps feed the joy.
I wait, watch & live for God doing His great and mighty work in my life-even in my death-even if it comes suddenly.
In April 2009, I began to understand this saying I heard at a New Life weekend:
"If it is not one thing-it is another, and you just never know."
I find myself saying this to people in my life...it's become almost a commentary of my life since then...